Quotes From Times I Do Not Remember

It's said that dogs can't look up. And, somewhere it's said
around 16 million earths could fit inside the sun. Marbles
have crags deeper than the Mariana's Trench. While
Thelma Pickles cries
for her long departed love: John Lennon. Those trivial moments
that will never leave our minds. They are just wrinkles,
in a brain that is made of fats. A fish

at the bottom of the sea
will change its sex two weeks before it dies. By twenty-fifteen
the average life span will be one hundred. Gregorian months
are not as accurate as the Aztec's
calender. It's the only way
you have too keep track of when you have loved
whomever. As the University of New Mexico measures
sexual ornaments growing rapidly out of proportion. Scientist
James Brown stares down peacock cock. Too see
if it has the goods to wave those females over. Everyone inches
towards their next orgasm. It's said
absence makes the heart grow fonder, but don't ever
marry the first girl you lay. Pigs
are some of the cleanest animals. The human mouth
is filthier than piss. So don't kiss. Piss
on each other. One day we will live forever.

The Road Marked: Horrible Things

Early on in the educational process a teacher states that Iceland
has a warmer climate than Greenland. After the educational process
is completed, foreign beer has usurped domestic. Hell bubbles up
in the form of civil arguments. The road I walk
has not forked, and is filled with trust falls. Team building
exercises only cause dissonance.
I hate all of them.
That's Theodore for you. He sits in a dark corner. Having moved
the barstool to accommodate his welling desire to connect
through solitude. Theodore was an accountant, he wasn't
a team player. He is ignored.

Theodore wants Anne. Her body
is pressed against the bar. She needs tending to,
but the bartender is busy and has his hands full of domestic beer.
I went to school with Anne and occasionally see her
at the record store she works at.
She studied accounting and drinks foreign beer. While
on a sunny day in Iceland a man enjoys a cold Bud Lite.

An Amazing Man Providing the World With Wonderful Filth

Dan Clowes video interview

Here's a BBC video interview with Dan Clowes, one of the best comic book artists and writers on earth. Link (via Drawn!) Courtesy of BoingBoing

All the World's Music:

A woman tells me that there is a man Oscar that I should speak with. When I ask to see him she says I must wait until the morning for Oscar is sleeping, though I didn’t seem to be very late. In the morning I walk in Oscar's room, which seems equivalent in size to a hospital room, to find a large bulk of a man completely hidden by covers.
“Good morning Oscar,” I say as the bulk rolls over to reveal it is an ape who’s hair is not quite gray, and not quite black.
“You must be here to interview me about my music,” Oscar says as he sits his huge bulk up in bed, while his huge ape-hands run over his face.
“Music? Possibly, they just said I should interview you. They said you had much to teach.” No one at that point had mentioned why I should speak with him.
With that Oscar flips a sheet off a large counter to reveal piano keys placed haphazardly across the counter, some of the keys are sideways, some are above others and all are spaced slightly from the next. On the floor there are pedals, wires, and speakers.
“Pump that pedal, that’s where the fuel for this thing comes from.” Oscar is pointing to a pedal that sits to the far left of the contraption. I begin to pump the pedal and the whole machine begins to whirr to life. Lights and dials appear blinking on the front of the counter.
Picking up a golf-ball Oscar looks over at me, “Let us start this off with a bit of randomness.” The golf-ball ricochets off of the ceiling smashing into a few of the keys. A synthesized beat, though almost classical, fills the room.
“Eh,” grunts Oscar, “not quite what I want,” as he presses a few keys the song structure changes completely. It is now a tribal sounding beat, but Oscar is still not pleased; his fingers depress a few more keys.
The sound changes.
“What I think I’ve done is place all of the world’s musical expression into this machine. I think it’s all of it. I even remembered to put this in there.” Oscar pushes a single button and the music stops. “See,” he hits the button again and the music begins, but differently than it ended. “Pretty crazy hunh.”

If Your God Will Suck My Nuts I'll Believe

Here’s what I don’t understand (let me interject this first: I am an atheist) I walked around SOHO for about three hours and have been (‘accosted’ would be a bit unfair) confronted by all manner of religious bastards.
Fine, believe in a God or Demigod or Earth-Mother-Spirit or even some wanker aliens with ‘love-juice’ to heal the planet; not my fucking problem. Even standing on the street corner and discussing your bizarre religion-fetish till Armageddon doesn’t come is perfectly acceptable, BUT, (big fucking but) don’t act like I have assaulted YOUR sensibilities when I tell you that I choose not to believe in any crazy superstitious nonsense.
Don’t go get six of your glassy-eyed brethren to come stare at the man who refuses to be saved. And, certainly do not tell me you’ll pray for me. I don’t need it and it’s just insulting.
I accept your desire to squeeze goat testicles to tell the future (thank you George Carlin). I just believe you are an imbecile.

Cheers.

The only rule

You may ONLY post if you are drunk. Period.

Cheers.