Torchlit Fights of Dwarves and Women

Two steps into being a block away I knew it was a bad idea,
but I just kept going. And, why the hell not? I had a clean pair of pants on;
I looked as sharp as I could. Everything seemed: kosher.
Thoughts of Schwarzenegger and Eastwood rang through my head while I assumed
that I fit somewhere in the middle. (Delusional.)
The homeless woman I asked for directions had more in common with me,
though I hadn't asked for change. Stagnant
air and a puddle-ridden sidewalk accompanied me along the walk. Still,
it's supposed to be a happy occasion, moreover a joyous one. Why
then do I see a tall spear-wielding Amazon -the sun to her back-
facing a bearded, brawny hulk-of-a-half-man? That's a larger than life struggle
right there.

I come upon an old church; cars and trucks
have filled the parking lot. I must have been the only one
who walked, definitely the only one
who had to ask for directions on the way there. Honestly, what
was I thinking. The doors are open and any table or open space has been filled
with candles and flowers, a museum of pastels. Laughing, I thought: It would seem
so peaceful if it wasn't a wedding. Then I felt guilty, immediately justifying the thought
by tacking on the idea that weddings are controlled chaos
and cannot be peaceful in the truest sense.
The marriage would be wonderful. It wouldn't be
a battle wrought with clanging armor held together with frail straps
of leather; both bride and groom should make it
out alive. There may be some scar tissue, but
that is to be expected. Modern times haven't changed
much. Besides,
science has the ability to save even the most hopeless case.
Again, the wedding was to be a shining example
of unity; two people sharing a beautiful tropical honeymoon: an oasis.
(A fine idea.)

King Persisenes ruled a small independent kingdom in Northern Persia around 424 B.C. The land was centered around an incredibly fertile intersection between tributaries. His palace was built around a particularly beautiful lagoon where the palm trees bowed together to form a natural building secluded within the palace itself. The most important ceremonies and rituals were performed in this oasis, Persisenes himself was married in that spot several times. The lagoon had also become the place Persisenes retreated to while he made some of his most important decisions.

The kingdom was small and went relatively unnoticed but Sogdianus, Persia's emperor (for the year), had heard tales of the oasis' unimaginable beauty. Quickly, a sizable mass of troops was organized and sent to claim the land for Sogdianus. Persisenes, however, was not an unintelligent ruler and had eyes and ears across the bulk of Persia. When he heard of the oncoming forces sent by Sogdianus he retreated to his oasis and thought.

It would come to be the most important decision of his life. After a few days of deliberation, Persisenes decided to march three quarters of his army out to the desert to lay an ambush for Sogdianus' troops. Persisenes' generals concocted a brazen plan and then the his army set out. Because it was the law of the kingdom for all men to be in service of the kingdom's military the small nation-state was left full only of cripples, dwarves and women. After a week of travel Persisnes' generals realized they had made a fatal mistake. The river bed they had marched towards (near the southwest of modern day Iran) had dried up. They all perished in the desert.

Soon Sogdianus's troops could be seen upon the horizon and Persisenes had to make a final decision. He armed the dwarves and women and under the cover of night sent them headlong into the Persian troops.

It had been a success,
the wedding went off without a hitch and the entire party was to be moved
across town to the reception hall. I bummed a ride -I had no intention of passing
up an open bar- from a fellow that sat beside me in the back of the church. The entire wedding party
armed themselves with bottles of beer and glasses full of gin, vodka, scotch
and bourbon. Toasts were raised high into the air. Stories
were flung across the great hall with speed and all directed at the groom shrinking him
and his confidence till his wife seemed
insurmountable.
The bride gave no disapproving looks or even raised an eyebrow
in concern of these wanton tales. I remembered a few of those fabled nights:
sweat on my brow while the stench of beer clung to my beard. Watching
the three of us booze, scream, fail
and sometimes succeeding in coercing a young thing back to our slovenly kept apartment. The groom, looking worried, caught me grinning while reminiscing. Though, all I was thinking was
how to do it again?
I looked at the women while planning my path of conquest.
The groom just looked at the women in the room.